Hunger? Meet Jaclyn.

"Have a mindful weekend..."  Debbie's sign off in her email this past Friday were four words that would haunt me all weekend long.  Thank God. 

Usually, like most people I view the weekend as a free-for-all cheat-fest.  2 1/2 days of mindless indulgence and an excuse to stuff myself rather then nurture myself.  I lay in bed, I let time slip away. I request pancakes rather then the healthy egg-whites and cheese I really do love but which seem far too conservative for a weekend.  I never work out and sleeping? In a Buddy the Elf-like way I must say,  Sleeping's my favorite!  This weekend? Mrs Dixon was a total bad ass.  Friday night my step-daughter wanted Chinese food....this never happens. I always want it and she vetoes and we move on to another culinary delight.  So we went to a really great Chinese restaurant in Woodbury-proper.  I was hungry. My tummy told me so. So I had waited, listened to my body and we were in agreement it was time to eat.  I ordered soup and a california roll with BROWN rice, thank you! Low-sodium soy sauce and a howdoyalikemenow!?! We had lo-mein for the table which I did indeed enjoy in small portions and when I felt full...I stopped eating. I know, crazy right?!  Imagine my joy to weigh myself the next morning and find out I had enjoyed myself the night before without destroying my 4lb weight loss!! I was, I AM, encouraged.

I'm also encouraged in other aspects of life....having decided to "let go and let God".  Well let go, and let God, and Mark.  What can I say? They're both really great guys!  
A brief explanation.....my step-daughter and I have hit a rough patch over the last couple of months.  Caught up in a haze of wedding and a, "we are family" like high we became quite close around Christmas time and it was great.  We were in contact daily, she confided in me and I was even friend-requested on Face book (which I now believe is a tool of Satan) thus hurling me into her world full force with hourly updates containing far more information then I really needed to know.  I felt overwhelmed, protective, and quite honestly....screwed.  It was the ultimate, "damned if you do, damned if you don't"...tell her Father, my HUSBAND, exactly what she's up to and risk my closeness with her, or protect her from herself?  Hands tied, back to the wall I chose to protect her from herself and became the narky step-mom she loved to hate.  Her weekends at our house suddenly became filled with silence or snark, (from both She and I) my Husband caught between the two people he loved more than anything, and weeknights were filled with my tears, his shouts and mornings hugging, apologizing, promising we'd both try harder to understand the others position.  Thankfully we both kept our word and I realized this is not my "battle" to fight.  I just need to exist and be there if and when she needs me.  She has parents and no matter how I feel about their methods, she is their child not mine and this is their show to run, I'm along for the ride as my Husband's partner and hopefully my step-daughters friend and supporter. I could choose to worry but there's nothing I can do, so I will just be worrying myself sick and what good is that? So she and I had a great talk this weekend; I let her know my new stance and that I'm there if she needs me.  It was very hard to come to a decision that in the end seems so obvious, and quite honestly much easier than what I've been trying to accomplish but it feels good to have arrived at the destination.  Peace.  I know we'll have rocky roads ahead, I know that.  But I'm grateful to have found my place and to be in a good place with the people  I love so very much.


JAC